Have you ever felt strong one moment, AND completely stripped to the bone the next?
That just happened to me.
To be honest, I haven’t been on here because I was running from the purpose of starting this blog. The YEAR of healing. It has been easier filling my time with other things, and putting my healing on the back burner.
But God has a funny way of putting things in our path to lead us back to where he wants us to be, or in my case, stripping me down to be rebuilt.
Recently, I started dealing with a lot of anger.
I hate admitting that. I feel like a failure. I feel like it makes me extra vulnerable and nervous, and now I will have a people staring at me like I completely stuck at life.
I think I know where the anger is coming from. It’s coming from me trying to escape this whole healing process. I am angry because I know I need to do this, but I am not and I don’t want to… but I do..
Anyways, I started a new book. Books always seem to speak to me, and by speaking to me, I feel like I just read my deepest feelings word for word. I feel a little drained.
Pretty sure God threw this book my way at the PERFECT time because he knew it was time to get back on the healing bus.
The book is “Looking For Lovely” by Annie Downs.
There are people who see you and see your life and because of the ways you remind them of God, they see Him too. But they see Him differently because of you than they do because of me. It doesn’t add pressure of us to be perfect (because I am not), but it just reminds me that I’m put together differently from you. And that’s okay. And that’s good.
The things you want, the things you love, the things that make you cry, and the things that make you laugh, and the things that make you more angry than you thought you could be- it’s a rare combination. In face, it’s a one-of-a-kind combination. Because God made you that way. On purpose.
Your looks. Your loves. Your losses.
They are you.
– Annie Downs, Looking for Lovely.
I am tired of being angry. I am tired of hating parts of myself. I am exhausted. I want to be FREE. I want to love.
I want to find the beauty in the world around me. I want to find my purpose. I want to be brave.